Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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