woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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