Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
