WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
