So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
