Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
