Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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