she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
