Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
