I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize