Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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