Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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