i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
