hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize