I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
