You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
