so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
