can u get pink eye on your cock?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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