I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize