Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
