I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
