just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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