i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
