Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
