Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
