Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
