It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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