Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
