Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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