Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
