Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
