Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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