I skipped work to stalk him.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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