very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's the barista slut.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
