So drunk its hurt
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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