Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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