her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
