she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Pants are for mortals
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
