im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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