dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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