There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
