A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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