it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
