She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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