I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
