Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
