woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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