He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
