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I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize