yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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