shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
