dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize