just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
