Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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