Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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