hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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