i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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