Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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