The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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