You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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