id be glad to
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
