I never want to see another naked old woman again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
