Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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