You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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