Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
