My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
