Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
