Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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