1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
