every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
