tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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