All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
