Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
