Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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