Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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