nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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