wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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