Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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