To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
