The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
