and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
