vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
