how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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