Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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