Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
