either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
