mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
