You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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