Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize