so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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