Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
