I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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