I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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