I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So squirting runs in the family.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
