I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
