So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
