Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
